There have been a pair of pigeons roosting on my back stairwell for about a month. It didn't bug me until yesterday when my neighbor lost it. She cleaned up out back in the morning and then spent the entire day trying to scare the birds away. At first I thought her creepy talking/scolding/yelling was for her dog. It didn't have much of an effect on the birds, but it was disturbing me. She didn't want to get too close to them because their talons are as sharp as their nature is deadly. So instead of actually scaring them away, she would threaten to "come get them". It bordered on the Wicked Witch of the West. She even tried to be rational and plead with them to leave and not to come back, but that didn't work either.

I didn't really mind them hanging out on my window sill. It was kind of cool to come home at night and see them sitting there. It was a great relationship. They didn't mind me, I didn't bother them, the cat would talk to them through the screen and the next door neighbor would clean up the mess. Why does everything have to get complicated?

The pigeons had to go because my neighbor was driving me crazy. Wait a minute... I should have gotten rid of her and kept the birds, that was a fuck up. She obviously couldn't get rid of them on her own, I guess you need to be smarter than the pigeons.

I had a good idea. I wasn't exactly certain how I was going to get rid of them, but I knew I could catch them because they weren't afraid of me... so I did. I got a Rubbermaid tote and covered them with it and then slid the lid on. That was easy... now what?

I wasn't going to kill them, so I figured I would have some fun with them. I put the tote in my back seat and searched for a parking space around Loring Park. They were quiet the whole way there and when I took the lid off, they continued to peacefully sit in the box. I put the tote on its side and eventually and violently they took to the sky. The sound of their wings caused a general panic in the flock of blackbirds that were hiding in the dead cat tails on the lake. It was amazing.

I don't get it, it's been 14 hours and they're still not back yet. I'm getting worried.