I need to meet more girls at bars. It hasn't worked out yet, but there is never a dull moment in each wasted minute.

I met a girl from Owatonna. It's about an hour away, which isn't that big of a deal because her hotness was worth the distance. We were originally going to go out in Minneapolis, but she forgot that she borrowed her car to her brother for the weekend and she needed to call her sister to see if she could watch her 3 kids. No car? 3 kids? This is where I should have called it off, but I was pretty much trapped at this point.

I called her when I got to her apartment building. She's in #5, so I went up and she met me at the door. It was then that I remembered why I was initially interested in her. I don't know how she can stand upright with her center of gravity so high. I'm not an elitist snob by any stretch of the imagination, but her place looked like it was robbed. It was a scarcely furnished 2 bedroom apartment about the same size as mine. There was no art on the walls and the only furniture in the place was a couch, a TV stand with a TV and 2 beds. The closets did not have doors on them either.

Since I have no idea what there is to do in Owatonna, I asked her where we should go. She wasn't helpful at all. It was weird, she all but flat out refused to offer any suggestions. At this point I got annoyed and wrote the date off as a total loss. We're going to Wal-Mart. I knew Owatonna would have one and I didn't want to completely waste my trip. I needed cat litter and some grass seed.

Things didn't get any better on this date. It was over, but I became really interested in her story. She told me about her demon spawned daughters. Her ex-boyfriend kicked them out of his house because her 10 year old would maliciously break everything. She would go into rages and smash dishes and break TV sets. She is trying to get ADHD medication that lasts all day for her because her current meds wear off about the time she gets home from school. great.

She had a rough childhood. Her dad beat her and her husband beat her, too. She isn't an angel either, she went to jail for beating her husband. She kicked him in the balls until he couldn't get up anymore, beat him savagely and then choked him until his eyes bulged out of his head. I can see why she is single. That relationship wasn't working out.

Her brutal honesty was interesting, so after Wal-Mart I suggested that we go to Mankato. I lived there for 4 years, so I knew my way around the town. We went to the Barmuda Triangle and had a few drinks on a patio outside of one of the bars. My favorite local pizza place was nearby, so we went and had some pizza. She didn't really like the vibe of the area. Too many dresses, too many high heels. What? One other thing to note... I am responsible and was driving, so I had already drank my 2 beers for the evening hours ago. She was at 5 and I was ready to bring her home. We stopped at Applebee's on the way out of town for one last drink. Why not? I wasn't in that big of a rush, and I was fairly certain that the Applebee's bartender would take her clipped ID. It was a problem at Buster's because She didn't have her DUI papers with her.

I ordered a Red Bull, a Red Rull, and another Red Bull. Then I switched to water. Anytime I went to the bathroom or was distracted talking to someone else, she would order another drink. There was no escape. After about 3 the show really started. The couple down the bar from us was loving this. The whole time I was there, they were offering me smiles, usually of sympathy but sometimes of conspiracy.

They would notice when she would more than accidentally rub her boobs on me or when she would start to grope me. I was being molested at Applebee's!

She would vary between seductress and crazy mean. She wanted to see my Facebook so she could see my pictures. She lost her shit and started yelling at me because some of the girls in my photos were too pretty. Literally yelling at me. WHY AREN'T YOU FUCKING THEM? uh. If you are really concerned about the blond, that's my sister. Everyone is just a friend. She kept going on and on about how I was too good for her. I recognize everyone is insecure, but come on.

I finally convinced her that it's time to go. I had been tipping the bartender well all night, but I left her another $10 because she was nice and didn't kick us out. I'm sure the thought crossed her mind. On the way out she had to go to the bathroom, so I walked over there with her. When we got to the point where our paths would separate, she grabbed my hand and told me she didn't want to go alone. Really? You want to hook up in the Applebee's bathroom?

She passed out before we even got out of town. The stereo was blasting, so I turned it down a little bit. I was happy that she was passed out. She couldn't cause any trouble if she was asleep. It's a 40 minute drive between Mankato and Owatonna, so there was plenty of time for my mind to wander. She mentioned earlier that her ex texted her, but she told him to fuck off. Was that the 290 pound one? By the time I pulled into her parking lot, I had convinced myself that he would be waiting in her parking lot with a baseball bat. That might not have been a bad thing. It would have been easier to get rid of this chick. You can have her, she's all yours!

Her parking lot was empty, but she wouldn't wake up. I really wasn't in the mood for this and I had to pee really bad again. I left her in the car and walked behind the dumpster in the parking lot and a train started to go by. Thats when I noticed her place is right next to the railroad tracks. Nice. The conductor of the train saw me peeing and started the train's whistle. It was loud, so loud that I looked over my shoulder to see if she woke up and got out of the car. Not at all. It took me about 10 minutes to wake her up. Oddly enough, she woke up all the way and asked me if I was going to sleep over. "We don't have to do anything, you can sleep on the couch". I had plans the next morning at 10 and you're a fucking psycho, so no thanks. I was nice enough to make sure she got in her apartment.

I don't think I am going to ask her out again.